Sometimes I could not stop wondering and asking myself, "Am I crazy!"
I have realized that the way I think, the sight I see the world, the emotion I have, and the way I act around people are not something I can even comprehend anymore. Since the terrible childhood experience that how my parents were falling apart and how I was put into a place that I did not even want to be, I feel that that wound can never be recovered.
I need to declare that anything I say here is nothing about my religion, I love my religion, every teaching from my religion is true.
Anyway, I used think I could have a new life that can help me to forget everything in the past, of course the feeling as well. Especially since being here in school, I thought I could handle myself better. However, it is not true.
My depression is killing me. I am hurted. I really don't have any motivation to seek for help anymore, which I should I guess. Trying to take sleeping pill more and more was the thing that could help me for a little bit. But it ended up did not work anymore. Sometimes my mind just told me to take all at once.
I have a lot doubts about people around me. I have been spending and paying a lot of effort to trust, however, what I get is a lot of disappointment. I try to blame myself for being able to follow the crowd and be in it. Why is my mind that strong enough to tell me that I have depressing and I am always standing right between my crying and my laughing. I wish, I wish I am very weak, weak enough to let me depression take whatever I should do and wherever I should go.
My mind is here and there, up and down. Last months I was very happy about everything, but now at this point, I feel like I just fell off from a cliff and be trapped in a dark valley. I don't want to have any feeling.
Yes, I do have a lot of thoughts that I wanna end my life. Of course, prayer does help me a lot; no one can understand and be willing to listen to what my heart says.
I am tired of telling others about how I feel; what is the different about to tell or not to tell?
I just don't want to trust anyone anymore. Really, a lot of disappointment!
Perhaps I am very selfish, yeah, I guess I am. I can't help with it. I still hope for people can understand me sometimes, perhaps I should not.
My heart is painful. Why should I keep going on!
people you trust the most, they can really hurt you the most.
I have realized that the way I think, the sight I see the world, the emotion I have, and the way I act around people are not something I can even comprehend anymore. Since the terrible childhood experience that how my parents were falling apart and how I was put into a place that I did not even want to be, I feel that that wound can never be recovered.
I need to declare that anything I say here is nothing about my religion, I love my religion, every teaching from my religion is true.
Anyway, I used think I could have a new life that can help me to forget everything in the past, of course the feeling as well. Especially since being here in school, I thought I could handle myself better. However, it is not true.
My depression is killing me. I am hurted. I really don't have any motivation to seek for help anymore, which I should I guess. Trying to take sleeping pill more and more was the thing that could help me for a little bit. But it ended up did not work anymore. Sometimes my mind just told me to take all at once.
I have a lot doubts about people around me. I have been spending and paying a lot of effort to trust, however, what I get is a lot of disappointment. I try to blame myself for being able to follow the crowd and be in it. Why is my mind that strong enough to tell me that I have depressing and I am always standing right between my crying and my laughing. I wish, I wish I am very weak, weak enough to let me depression take whatever I should do and wherever I should go.
My mind is here and there, up and down. Last months I was very happy about everything, but now at this point, I feel like I just fell off from a cliff and be trapped in a dark valley. I don't want to have any feeling.
Yes, I do have a lot of thoughts that I wanna end my life. Of course, prayer does help me a lot; no one can understand and be willing to listen to what my heart says.
I am tired of telling others about how I feel; what is the different about to tell or not to tell?
I just don't want to trust anyone anymore. Really, a lot of disappointment!
Perhaps I am very selfish, yeah, I guess I am. I can't help with it. I still hope for people can understand me sometimes, perhaps I should not.
My heart is painful. Why should I keep going on!
people you trust the most, they can really hurt you the most.
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