After my class this morning, I just really did not want to go back to my apartment; I did not want to talk to anyone. I was trying to find a place where no one knew. Well, it was not possible at all.
I was thinking maybe I could hide in the crowd. I decided to go to the library. Plugged in my music. Daniel Powter's "Bad Day" was playing along. It had been a while since the last time. This time I felt the music and the lyrics more. My mind was wandering. It took me back to the conversation that I had with Ashley about seeing the counselor. I was kinda hesitated to do so. I didn't like reveal my problem to others as I always believed that I could fix my problem on my own. At least all my past experiences could prove me right. But, I thought this time I finally put down my pride.
Walked from the chair in the library, my steps were frightened. It took me a lot of courage to walk to the counseling center by myself. I saw some people there. They looked happy. Why were they there?
I did not trust student employee; I was glad the receptionist was not. There was a questionnaire regarding the symbols if the patients had. "Tempting to commit suicide...feeling sad all the time...", these kinds of wording made me crazy. Why was I doing that? I knew I had to do it. I was mad at myself why I needed to go there.
When I left, I felt shame. I felt disgusting. I could not believe that I failed myself.
I do not like the one I am now.
After a couple of hours, I got a call from a counselor. He asked me if I was threatened as I checked the symbol that he concerned the most. He decided to put me on a higher priority list.
I guess I will face the things I don't want to deal with soon...
I was thinking maybe I could hide in the crowd. I decided to go to the library. Plugged in my music. Daniel Powter's "Bad Day" was playing along. It had been a while since the last time. This time I felt the music and the lyrics more. My mind was wandering. It took me back to the conversation that I had with Ashley about seeing the counselor. I was kinda hesitated to do so. I didn't like reveal my problem to others as I always believed that I could fix my problem on my own. At least all my past experiences could prove me right. But, I thought this time I finally put down my pride.
Walked from the chair in the library, my steps were frightened. It took me a lot of courage to walk to the counseling center by myself. I saw some people there. They looked happy. Why were they there?
I did not trust student employee; I was glad the receptionist was not. There was a questionnaire regarding the symbols if the patients had. "Tempting to commit suicide...feeling sad all the time...", these kinds of wording made me crazy. Why was I doing that? I knew I had to do it. I was mad at myself why I needed to go there.
When I left, I felt shame. I felt disgusting. I could not believe that I failed myself.
I do not like the one I am now.
After a couple of hours, I got a call from a counselor. He asked me if I was threatened as I checked the symbol that he concerned the most. He decided to put me on a higher priority list.
I guess I will face the things I don't want to deal with soon...
No comments:
Post a Comment