Distance

Distance, what a good word to mention about my relationships or connections with friends, family and also the one I like.

People are always just like coming and going in my life.  I have tons of good and great friends, more than I can comprehend sometimes.  I am not saying about that I don't have time to hang out with each of them.  Instead, it is more about who I can truly share my story to; of course, they also show the interested to listen, to understand and to know as well.

I don't want to tell anyone; I try my best to escape from the eyes of others. I don't want them to know that I am not doing alright.  I am willing to admit here, I am not happy.  The longer the distance between me and those who I love and I care, the deeper the emptiness swallows me.  It could possibly my depression.  I used to not telling people about it. I don't like it.  It exhausts me.  I don't want talk to people.  I don't find my existence among people.  The world is willing to listen to those who don't even care about how others feel but except themselves.  Will the world listen to me?

I care about people, I care about their feelings, but the world doesn't hear me. 

I am discouraged when I hear my heart beating; because here is too quiet and cold.  I hear well to any movement of my body.  This quietness is also swallowing me.

I remember I have said before already; I really want to leave.  I want to go to a place where nobody knows me.  So that I can be selfish, but this kind of selfishness will not bother anyone, because I don't know anyone; they don't know me either.

I want to give up; I am just very tired.  My adaptability is weaker than it used to be.  My smile is fake; I don't even want to look at the mirror.

I was once asked about the purpose of my life.  Nine years ago, I answered without any doubt; I said I wanted to be happy.  Now, I still want it.  I want to have it. 

What am I thinking?

She

Yesterday when I tried to post this video, and then the mouse of the computer didn't work, that's why there were only the words"she" on my post.
Julia Roberts is absolutely my all time favorite actress; especially in the movie, Notting Hill, one of my favorite movies, for sure this movie did demonstrate the charm of her; she is such a star, so beautiful, so talented! Also, this movie was filmed in London, one of my favorite places on earth, everything was just perfect together!

I like the lyrics of this song very much, very classic! Haha…it does remind me of my dream girl. Yup, I have to admit that she is like a star to me.
Enjoy of this song!

She

Please come soon, Spring.

This winter seems too long for me. I just can't wait for the spring! I will even just play more.
Half of this semester is nearly over, I just remember that I have worked a lot and played a lot of sports.

Life is just great! Being able to play my favourite sport, volleyball, a lot so far in this semester is blessing to me. I know I am not good, but I do really have passion on play this sport.  Gladly, I have a friend, Barrett, he is really good at playing it and he is so willing to coach me once a week in order to improve my basic skill.

I am happy. Things are clearer in my mind.  Many good friends I can talk to.  They are all very supportive to me; they are very patient to my attitude about life. Also, I am happy because I came to remember something which is very precious. To love is to sacrifice your own will to give without asking for any return. I have fear, but I will give whatever it takes!  When I was making a gift during the week before valentine's day, I kinda asked myself, "Why am I donig this?" I know that many of friends around thought that I was paying too much effort for something which beyond the position I was in.  However, I just wanted the one who received that gift would be happy.  Perhaps, I will get nothing in return, I know I will be sad, but as long as she is happy, that will mean the most to me.  Of course, I know I will do whatever it takes to make her happy.