Quiet

This weekend has been very quiet for me.

What is the best way to measure?

I just randomly watched a documentary of my favorite singer from Hong Kong. I remember how much how much she inspired me through her attitude on her career and life.

Once again, she reminded me that I forgot myself! I am trapped in the crowd once again.

I need to get back!

"How Are You?"

"How Are You?"
It was weird to hear from her. She is a wife of someone else already. She told that if I wanted to hang out when she comes to Utah.
I think Utah is the only place I will allow myself to see her and her husband together. When someday I go back Hong Kong, I do not think I will how to deal with it!

I am wondering how will I feel when I see her and her husband together. Sometimes I wish I can delete her in my memory! It is just hard!

History...

You will always be in my heart!

When I looked back, I think it was probably a good idea that you did not tell me that you were getting married! Because...because you knew that it would break my heart! 12 years is not a short amount of time, we have seen each other grew, we have seen each other progressed; we shared a lot of unforgettable moments!

I remember I was there many times when you were sad! So many times I just wanted to let you to borrow my shoulder. I did not like when you were crying for those boyfriends, because I was sad when you were crying, and I was jealous of those boys! I did not understand whey they did not cherish you!

When you called me that time and told me that you were engaged, my heart almost jumped out from my chest. But I had to pretend that I was happy, because I was with our mutual friends! I did not think anyone would be able to comprehend my feeling at that moment!

When I found out that you called off that engagement, I felt like I was in Heaven! Because I felt like I gained back my best friend!

I never told you I liked you because I wanted to and I needed to go on a mission! I did not want anything to be on my way! I gave up the chance to tell you!

On my mission, I missed you a lot! I will never forget that we were able to talk on the phone for a little bit during Christmas time! I wanted to talk to you more than anyone! When the time was up, our conversation got hanging up, my mind was cloudy and my sky was blue!

I missed you a lot on my mission! It took me a lot of courage to start writing you more toward the end of my mission! Because I wished to be with you after my mission!

The Lord blessed me that I was told by you how the way you felt about me! I was happy! We started dating! You were my girlfriend! But I was nervous at the same time! After my mission, I was lost! I had no idea how to deal with life at all! I knew you were suffering because you were so patient!

I did not know how to cherish you when you were with me! I was a bad guy! I was a bad boyfriend!

I did try to fight for you! But I knew it was too late! You had already moved on! Those couple months in 2010 was the worst time in my life! I was planning to come back to Hong Kong to get you back! But I was hurt by the way how you responded to me! But I deserved it! In the following years, I was still in love with you!

I told everyone, even myself that I did not have feeling for you anymore, which I did lie to everyone and even to myself! I wasted a lot of time!

Today, you already became someone's woman! But, I just want to say, whatever will change, but the way how I love you will never change! And you will always be in my heart!

If we don't see each other anymore

My ex is getting married!

Tonight, I found out that my ex-girlfriend is getting married next month! I had been wondering but someone finally told me tonight! I don't know if I will have any different feeling if I am told by her!
I am happy for her, but at the same time, I feel like there is something, something that I don't know how to express how I feel about the whole thing!
I sent her a message, like the final words I want to say before she becomes someone's wife! I don't have any intention about this message, I am just that kind of people, I want to say things out!
After sending this message, it is the time for me realize that, I can't live in the past anymore! And she will never be my best friend anymore!
Nothing always happened the way we want to be, no matter what,  I am very, very grateful, that she was once in my life that she was the one who made me wanted to be a better person!

Wing Hung,
A couple of weeks ago, when I came down to Salt Lake, I hanged out with Eric for a little bit! We talked a lot of the old stuff! When the topic was about you and me, I realized that, there is still one concern I have not been able to resolve ! It makes me feel like, sometimes, I don't know if we are still friend or not! When I found out your good news from someone else just tonight, then I guess, the concern that I have, probably it is not that important to anyone anymore!
I am happy for you! The one you are going to marry is a good guy, well, I am sure you know better than I do for sure! When I go back to Hong Kong someday, if we run to each other by any chance, perhaps we will give a smile to each other and then go away, or we may formally talk! Or we might never talk to each other anymore! I hope we will gain the understanding no matter what!
I am so grateful that you were part of my life, you were once there to help and remind me to be a better person! I treasured all the good and bad times that we had since 2001, the time when I joined the church, the time that I began my new life!
I am not trying to play any emotion here, but I sincerely want you to know that, you deserve a great man, you deserve a great marriage and a great family, and I am very happy for all these things are happening in you life, it is because (I don't have a chance to say it face to face) I did and I have really loved you and I did care a lot about you! Please don't make fun of me, since I left HK, the song "如果我們不再相見" has became a song that always reminded me of you! Because it describes a lot of my feelings!
It is my last secret I wanted to share with you!
Again, wish you the best and have a very successful marriage!
Denis~

Probably it is true

Is the true that I will never find my best friend until I get married?
Sometimes I want to share those stupid joke together!
Sometimes I want to share those laugh together!

Am I a best friend to anyone on this earth? Am I a good friend to anyone on this earth?
Or...am I a friend to anyone on this earth?

I am never part of anything! I am always alone! When I am not happy, whether I try to hide it or not, usually no one will notice! Sometimes I feel like I am those fool in the movies. So pathetic!
I guess it is good for me, I am about done with school, it is easier to say goodbye, or I don't have anyone I need to say to!

Get Ready

Being here in college for almost three and a half years, now I am really ready to graduate! Just because I feel like I have learned the things I need from here; I am not really progressing!
I don't have a huge desire to make new friends here any more, it sounds contradicting to my personality, but their stories here are mostly the same. I need new impact my life! I want to share the gospel, I want to get to know people from different background!
I like to change, but I don't like to change! I think I start getting bored here! It is the right time to go! I still have one more semester, I don't know what will happen but I am super excited to see what comes to me!
I will take whatever will lead me the way to my dream!
What is my dream? Haha..good question! Well, now I am living in my dream! Living far away from home, financial independence, having my own car driving around from state to state, playing volleyball everyday, speaking the language I enjoy to speak the most, and living in a culture where good fit for my personality! Of course my dream is bigger than these, I guess at this moment, I really want to prepare myself to work in the event management area in the movie industry! I know I can do it! God has already prepared two steps for me: my internship in a radio station and my current job as a PR coordinator, I need to do my own part to walk further! I know that Denis can have more to offer to the world!!
I am glad that I said it out now, because I need to commit myself to do more for a better preparation for my future! Some people here around me might still be care too much about their recognition in the eyes of those social crowd instead of treasuring a true friendship which has been built through time and love.
Yeah, I need to say no! It is not me! I might be alone if I don't follow but I need to stand strong and I will.

I got a blessing a couple of days ago! I came to remember again the one I used to be! And I need to be that person again! I am thankful for my great friend, Brooks, giving me those words to help to find the right direction toward the real me!

I am satisfied for only being a Mormon, but I want to be a great Mormon! I don't think it is too hard if I am willing to love everyone more! I used to be able to do it, and I will do it again!
I know I still have a long way, but I know this journey will be full of excitement, I just need to keep walking by faith and not be afraid of being alone!