The new me

This morning after I woke up from my extreme tiredness as I went swimming yesterday, I checked my facebook. There is another friend on facebook asked me again when I will go back to Hong Kong.

My typically answer, "Probably in another year or two." I don't know. I guess it doesn't depend on how soon I will  graduate, instead, where I do want to go. On the other hand, last night I had to deal with a thing which I feel like I don't know how to comprehend anymore. I left a big city, Hong Kong, for too long. Not only physically, but also mentally. I used to deal with a lot of complicated things very often. Now, I just don't like it, I just don't know how to deal with. It seems like my friends back home will never be able to understand. The more I explorer myself these days, the longer distance I find among us.

I have always been observing myself; it is really hard to play hide and seat with myself. Hanging out with Robert leads me to see things differently. I come to see the things from their origins. The pure relationship and simple connection among each of us. I even come to understand more about my nature.

"Mommm! I'm very hungry!" Robert said to his mother, when he was waiting his mother to finish fixing dinner. Probably I will never forget that look he showed and that voice he sounded in the rest of my life. In college, Robert always took care of his older brother, Brady, and his roommates by fixing them lunch and dinners. It's not only about the role we play from time to time, but the nature that we suppose to have, or who we are supposed to be. Playing a role is far different from living in our own nature.

I feel that the searching of myself game is one step closer to the end. I don't know how many steps are still ahead. This step is a big change to me.