Monday is not fun!
It is not fun when you sleep 22 hours on Sunday, then you wake up at about 4 p.m. on Monday morning thinking about if you want to stay all the way to work, or try to fall back in sleep again.
It just happened.
In this 22 hours, I had two main nightmares, one of them was about being back to home.
I was on my bed at home, very hot, I was sweating, looking at the ceiling. I did not feel like I was belonging there at all. That was dark, bitter, and helpless. No matter how positive I have been trying about going home, it seems like I can never kick these feelings away. They are eating me from inside out. I am not happy.
That was one of the lowest moments. I had so many mixed feelings. So many times I did not know if I was even true to myself. That could be very scary when I did not know if I was lying to myself or if I was telling the truth to myself which I did not even want to hear.
Can it be not that scary?
"Fear is powerful, but faith is stronger!" I heard this on Sunday a week ago. I have fear of my feelings, like how I feel about my life. I do even have doubt on these so-called feeling, faith is even harder to be defined.
Tomorrow is Tuesday......what next......!
Sometimes, I just want to say, "I am not okay! I am not good! I am not alright! I am so scared! Can I not carry on!"
It is not fun when you sleep 22 hours on Sunday, then you wake up at about 4 p.m. on Monday morning thinking about if you want to stay all the way to work, or try to fall back in sleep again.
It just happened.
In this 22 hours, I had two main nightmares, one of them was about being back to home.
I was on my bed at home, very hot, I was sweating, looking at the ceiling. I did not feel like I was belonging there at all. That was dark, bitter, and helpless. No matter how positive I have been trying about going home, it seems like I can never kick these feelings away. They are eating me from inside out. I am not happy.
That was one of the lowest moments. I had so many mixed feelings. So many times I did not know if I was even true to myself. That could be very scary when I did not know if I was lying to myself or if I was telling the truth to myself which I did not even want to hear.
Can it be not that scary?
"Fear is powerful, but faith is stronger!" I heard this on Sunday a week ago. I have fear of my feelings, like how I feel about my life. I do even have doubt on these so-called feeling, faith is even harder to be defined.
Tomorrow is Tuesday......what next......!
Sometimes, I just want to say, "I am not okay! I am not good! I am not alright! I am so scared! Can I not carry on!"
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